|| Hari Om ||

Once a person obtains the ever protective shield of one’s Sadguru, his life is transformed.  One tends to experience his divine interventions every step up the way.  Through these experiences, one receives the affirmations that the Sadguru looks over each and every devotee.  Then, one is drawn towards his lotus feet like a Bee to the Honey.  As described by Baba in Sai Satcahritra, one is reminded of “Kaamave Tari Majavarich Kaamave I Krodhave Tari Majavarich Krodhave”   In the spirit of this principle, one then tends to share all of one’s love and affection with one’s Sadguru.  Bapu then becomes an integral member of one’s family.

This is a story that took place just before 2011 Diwali.    Something seemed to have gone wrong in our household for the previous few days.  Nothing seemed to be going well.  We were faced with problems and obstacles from all four sides.  I had to drop out of third year of engineering.  In the midst of that, quite a number of fights had erupted between friends and to add to that, there were some uneasy situations at home. I was totally fed up with the way my life was at that point in time.  I was beginning to feel that no one cared for me. I was continuing to perform Bapu’s Upasana and Hanuman Chalisa as usual.  Three days prior to Diwali, I had an altercation at home.  Moreover, I was not at fault for this altercation for sure.

Due to this altercation, I had begun to think very negatively. “Everyone hates me.  Neither friends nor my family cares for me.  Everyone is waiting to hurt me.  There is no point in continuing to live.  No one values me in my household, etc.”  I sat in front of Bapu’s picture and cried a lot.  I said to Bapu,”You understand everything, don’t you?  If yes, please do something.  I am sure you know that I am not at fault.  Then why are you simply looking at this through this picture?  Probably, you are angry with me as well.”  I kept talking nonsense endlessly in front of Bappa (today, when I recollect it, I feel ashamed).

I did not stop at this, I, in fact, almost challenged him saying,”Now you will have to prove to me that you are not upset with me.  Whenever I argue and fight with you, (and soon after I realize my own mistake) don’t I come back to you to patch up?  Why should I talk to you in front of your picture as if it is a one sided talk?  Nothing doing, now you will have to talk to me.”

After talking to him about all this, I decided that I was never going to talk to him, until, through some medium, he communicated to me that he was not angry with me even if the whole world was and that he was with me, on my side all through.

We have Bapu’s picture in every room at our home.  I am habituated to saying “Hi” to him as and when I pass by him.  I am also habituated to talking to him anything that comes to my mind.  All this had come to a halt for three days.  I have Bapu and Nandaai’s wallpaper on my desktop as well.  I used to say “Hari Om” to Nandaai but not to Bapu.  I deliberately did not look at Bapu as if it was a punishment for Bapu.

I cleaned all the photographs but that too without looking at him in the photos.  To tell you honestly, these actions did not have any meaning but I was hell bent on doing it.

Three days passed by, but nothing significant happened…

Now, thinking that Bapu was also angry with me, I almost began to cry.  I stopped talking to him thinking that he had millions of devotees with him and even if I was not there, it probably did not make any difference to him.  However, in my mind, I continued to talk to Nandaai.  My father had continued to sulk during this time.  I began to complain to Nandaai about Bapu. Albeit in my mind!  I said,”Now soon Diwali would approach. In the midst of festivities, everyone would be enjoying their time with friends and family and here I am, alone without my best friend, Bapu.”

At the end of this period, I began to lose my patience.  In the night on day three, I finally told him as a last resort,”If you cannot talk to me in person, in the least, can you not talk to me in my dream?”  I left that place soon after I began to weep internally.

My mother and I were sitting in one of the rooms performing Bapu’s Upasana.  In the nick of time, my brother came running towards us and told us that Bapu had come home.

I could not believe his words.  I turned back and actually saw Bapu there.  He was wearing his signature black trouser, white shirt and he had that pleasant smile on his face.  I prostrated in front of him.  My mother took his blessings as well.  I felt absolutely terrible thinking about the way in which I had behaved with him.  After a little while, he was about to leave our home.  We went near the door to see him off.  In a polite and low tone I said,”I love you, Bappa.”  Looking at all of us, he said” I love you too.”  As he got down the staircase, he looked back and once again said,”I love you.”

I then began to remember his promise that he will never forsake anyone.  I then remember my anger filled conversations with him.  And at the end, I was reminded of my own ultimatum to him, my sentence,”In the least, can’t you talk to me?  And…

And I woke up from my deep sleep.  I recollected that beautiful dream over and over again.  My eyes had welled out by then.  It was the dawn of Dhanatrayodhashi.  It was a dream, I saw at dawn. Bapu came to my home just to ensure that he pacified me through that dream.  What else could be a beginning of a wonderful festival?

“I love you, Bappa.”

|| Hari Om ||